Dear Me,
I’ll never forget the day like it was yesterday...
It was Monday the 20th of April 2020 and I had been asked to do a Amniocentesis by my local GP the week before on the Thursday the 16th all because my Harmony Test results came back with a high risk of having a baby with Down Syndrome and because I was over 40years old (which I was later to find – a miss leading fact!) On top of that, my last Ultrasound showed that my little bundle of joy looked like it would have a heart condition, which is very common with Down Syndrome babies...
Little did I know that Monday morning would change my partner Brad’s life and mine forever. Needless to say we had already decided after having the test, that we would keep our baby regardless of the outcome, but we did cross our fingers to hope that Bub only had a heart condition.
In Brad’s mind he already had dreams, aspirations and thoughts of what it would be like to be a first time father, once Bub would finally arrive.... I just wanted Bub to be healthy and not have a serious heart condition.
At 8am on Monday the 20th I finally received a call from King Edward Memorial Hospital for Woman and Children with the results of my Amnio Test. My gut feeling had already felt that I knew what the results would be... The Doctor explained that the tests had come back positive, that our baby girl would have Down Syndrome. My ears rang and I felt numb... I didn’t know what to take, in the fact that we were having a girl! (which I was elated with) or the fact that she would definitely have Down Syndrome and part of my heart cried with fear of the unknown.... I didn’t know how I was going to explain this to Brad, but knew I had to...
Moments after that felt like a blur and anything the doctor was explaining and saying to me didn’t commute, as I went numb with sheer shock.
A billion thoughts went through my head.... I already have a son with Asperger's (Autism). How was I going to cope and manage having 2 children with a disability? But, it was soon erased by “well I got through his diagnosis and I’m a great mother to my son. I can do this!”... Then to stop thinking anything negative in my head! Our baby girl is going to be amazing, beautiful and the most loved little Angel by Brad, myself, my son Kynan and our families, no matter what....
Part of me was convinced I was being tested from the man upstairs with how much heartache I could cope with (I quickly erased that terrible thought from my head too!), but then I thought what I had been told, she has been sent to me for a reason and I am going to be a great Mother, no matter what.... I had so many mixed emotions, I didn't know whether to be happy or sad... Then I thought there are so many want to be Mother’s out there who would love to have a child, but can’t and so many parents that have worse diagnosis than this, just be grateful and happy she is alive and well in Utero....
I didn’t hear completely what the Doctor said only parts, such as “I’m so sorry to tell you”... like this was terrible news and “Are you Ok?"... When so much of my head and my heart wasn’t, but I said “Yes, I was”.... Then next thing I know she’s saying “A Genetic Counsellor will be calling you to book an appointment to speak with you, once you find out a diagnosis of Trisomy 21. Can both you and your partner attend as soon as possible, so you can decide whether or not you would like to keep the baby? And to explain what Trisomy 21 diagnosis means”. I was stunned and stayed in shock at this time. My only thought was to tell her “No, we have already decided to keep our baby regardless of the diagnosis”. She then insisted your 18 weeks pregnant and it’s a difficult decision you will both need to make and to please call her back if were to terminate within the week, as by 20 weeks we can not terminate after that and the matter will be going to court, as it’s seen as illegally terminating a life.... I felt frustrated at this point.... It felt like she wasn’t listening to me. I had already explained that we would be keeping Bub? She made me feel like we were making the wrong decision or that it was a bad thing that our baby would be born with Down Syndrome.
Yes, at one point it felt like our hopes, dreams and aspirations for our darling girl were slightly shattered, but I knew as a Special Needs Education Assistant teacher that Down Syndrome Children can lead fulfilling, Independent lives, be happy, are loving, are gorgeous souls and can integrate, with help into society, yes she’ll need a lot of therapy, but there’s a lot of help that will be there to support her and us as a family.....
After that I think my head, heart and mind switched off....
If I could tell myself what I know now about my little Angel and Warrior and what I have learnt and know now, I wouldn’t have worried so much, as I know our little girl is capable of anything!... 19 weeks later on the 31st of August 2020 at 1.51am, our gorgeous little bundle of joy Cheyenne Jasmine Wisewould decided to come early earth side into the world at KEMH and we couldn’t be happier... All the fears and worries trampled all the knowledge and love we’ve gained and we are still learning.... All the millions of photos I've taken so far, can't take away the Love I have
for our baby girl...
So for now, even though Cheyenne has endured more than the average baby medically and is still enduring and she is doing as well as she could possibly be at 10 months, 3 weeks and 2 days. I can happily say it takes away all the worries we ever had on that Monday the 20th of April 2020...
Written by Irene, Ambassador Cheyenne's Mum
